Random Death Note Drabbles
by Welcome to Rapture
Summary: Random drabbles from the Drabble Fic Generator. MelloxNear. Rated M for a reason.


I officially love the drabble generator. So... this is what happens when I'm bored. I don't think the first one is as funny as the rest.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything mentioned in this story whatsoever.

**Warning:** Not suitable for children. MelloxNear. The talk of rape is in no way meant to be offensive, please do not be offended this is just drabble.

**

* * *

****A Milk In Time**

On a spiky and tiny morning, Mello sat with mustard. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His appendix ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Near to love someone with a beautiful elbow?

Happily, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a big bright chocolate, all on a summer's day. I wish my Near would rape me, in his own meek way..."

"Do you?" Near sat down beside Mello and put his hand on Mello's anal region. "I think that could be arranged."

Mello gasped skillfully. "But what about my beautiful elbow?"

"I like it," Near said noisily. "I think it's hard."

They came together and their kiss was like a toy that had just eaten chocolate.

"I love you," Mello said sinfully.

"I love you too," Near replied and raped him.

They bought an elephant, moved in together, and lived carefully ever after.

* * *

**A Round Day To Rape**

Mello stepped sinfully out into the big sunshine, and admired Near's elbow. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a spiky sight."

Near climbed off the toys and walked skillfully across the grass to greet his lover. Mello patted Near on the anal region and then tried to rape him noisily, but without success.

"That's all right," Near said. "We can try again later."

"I'm just not pointy," Mello. "Not as pointy as the time we raped with mustard."

Near nodded happily. "We were beautiful back in those days."

"Our appendixs were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Mello said. "Everything seems meek and bright when you're young."

"Of course," Near said. "But now we're tiny, we can still have fun. If we go about it carefully."

"Carefully?" Mello said . "But how?"

"With this," Near said and held out a hard chocolate. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to rape."

Mello swallowed the chocolate at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to rape carefully. They raped like a toy that had just eaten chocolate. Three times.

And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.

* * *

**I'm Dreaming Of A Spiky Christmas**

It was Christmas Eve. Mello sat skillfully with mustard, sipping meek eggnog.

He looked at the pointy milk hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Near had hung it there, just before they looked at each other sinfully and then fell into each other's arms and raped each other's appendix.

If only I hadn't been so beautiful, Mello thought, pouring a tiny amount of rum into his eggnog. Then Near might not have got so bright and left me all alone at Christmas time. He wiped away a round tear and held his elbow in his hand.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a hard voice lifted happily up in song.

_I'm dreaming of a spiky Christmas_

Just like a toy that had just eaten chocolate

Mello ran to the door. It was Near, looking big all over with snow.

"I missed you carefully," Near said. "And I wanted to rape your appendix again."

Mello hugged Near and started to sob.

"I think you're drunk," Near said.

"I think so too," Mello said and they raped each other's appendix until they knocked the Christmas tree over.

On Christmas Day, they ate roasted elephant anal region and lived noisily until Mello got drunk again.

* * *

**The Round Terror Of The Snow**

It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Near and Mello went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Near hit Mello in his appendix with a big big iceball. It hurt a lot, but Near kissed it skillfully and then it was all better.

Then they decided to make a snow man.

"We'll make a really tiny snow man!" Near said.

"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Mello said. "That would be more spiky and politically correct."

"I know," Near said. "We can make a snow elephant. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."

So they rolled the snow up happily and made a bright snow elephant. Near put on a chocolate for the anal region. The elephant was almost as big as Mello.

"It looks pointy," Near said noisily. "But it seems like it's missing something."

"Here," Mello said and held up a hard toys. "I found this with mustard." He put the toys onto the elephant's head.

It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the elephant, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like a toy that had just eaten chocolate.

Mello screamed sinfully and ran but the snow elephant chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow elephant raped him carefully.

"Nobody does that to my little Meek Milk," Near screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow elephant through the elbow. It fell down and Near kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.

"You saved me!" Mello said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.

The toys lay in the yard until a beautiful child picked it up and took it home.

* * *

**The Adventure Of The Elephant**

Mello and Near were out for a round Valentine's walk with mustard. As they went, Near rested his hand on Mello's elbow. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so bright, Mello was filled with pointy dread.

"Do you suppose it's hard here?" he asked skillfully.

"You big silly," Near said, tickling Mello with his toys. "It's completely spiky."

Just then, a beautiful elephant leapt out from behind a chocolate and raped Near in the appendix. "Aaargh!" Near screamed.

Things looked meek. But Mello, although he was tiny, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a milk and, like a toy that had just eaten chocolate, beat the elephant happily until it ran off. "That will teach you to rape innocent people."

Then he clasped Near close. Near was bleeding noisily. "My darling," Mello said, and pressed his lips to Near's anal region.

"I love you," Near said carefully, and expired in Mello's arms.

Mello never loved again.

* * *

**Round Love**

Mello finished packing. Ever since Near, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Mello had been spiky.

There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing raped him, all was beautiful. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going with mustard to become a bright chocolate.

Just then, there was a meek knock at the door. Mello opened it and stood there carefully for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his anal region.

When Mello came to, Near was holding his elbow and looking pointy. "My love," Near said happily, "I'm sorry for the big shock. I've been shipwrecked on a hard island for the last ten years, living like a toy that had just eaten chocolate. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my anal region in the wreck. Can you still love me?"

Mello could hardly believe his Near had returned. "I will always love you, anal region or no anal region. Besides, you can cover it up with a milk."

They embraced noisily and vowed to never be parted again.

And all was tiny.

* * *

**The Miracle Of The Elephant**

Mello hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like a toy that had just eaten chocolate. He loathed it.

Every December, Mello would feel himself getting all round inside. He refused to put up a Christmas toys, he snapped at anyone spiky enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.

On December 13, Mello had to go to the mall to buy a big chocolate. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing happily around and so much Christmas music blaring carefully, he thought his appendix would explode.

Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a meek man collecting for charity. Mello never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.

Suddenly, the meek man dropped his bells and ran with mustard. There was a pointy elephant right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the meek man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!

Mello rushed out and skillfully pushed them both out of the way. There was a bright bang and then everything went dark.

When Mello woke up, he was in a beautiful room. There was a Christmas toys in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Mello's anal region hurt. A lot.

The meek man came into the room. "I'm so hard!" he said. "You're awake. My name is Near. You saved me from the truck. But your anal region is broken."

Mello hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas toys up and his anal region was broken, he felt quite tiny, especially when he looked at Near.

"Your anal region must hurt noisily," Near said. "I think this will help." And he raped Mello several times.

Now Mello felt very tiny indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Near. "I love you," he said, and kissed Near sinfully.

"I love you too," said Near. Just then, the elephant ran into the room and nuzzled Mello's elbow. "I brought him home with us," Near said.

"We'll call him Miracle," Mello said. "Our Christmas Miracle."

It was the best Christmas ever.

* * *

**The Battle For The Toys**

With mustard, Mello raped his toys. He had been busy with the toys for hours and now wanted nothing more than a spiky cuddle or a beautiful massage from his lover Near.

He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his big Near appeared at the door, grinning happily.

"Put down the toys," Near said skillfully. "Unless you want me to rape that toys on your appendix."

Mello put down the toys. He was round. He had never seen Near so meek before and it made him hard.

Near picked up the toys, then withdrew a milk from his anal region. "Don't be so round," Near said with a meek grimace. "An elephant bit my elbow this morning, and everything became pointy. Now with this toys and this milk I can skillfully rule the world!"

Mello clutched his tiny elbow sinfully. This was his lover, his big Near, now staring at him with a meek anal region.

"Fight it!" Mello shouted. "The elephant just wants the toys for his own big devices! He doesn't love you, not the spiky way I do!"

Mello could see Near trembling sinfully. Mello reached out his appendix and touched Near's anal region skillfully. He was big, so big, but he knew only his tiny love for Near would break the elephant's spell.

Sure enough, Near dropped the toys with a thunk. "Oh, Mello," he squealed. "I'm so spiky, can you ever forgive me?"

But Mello had already moved with mustard. Like a toy that had just eaten chocolate, he pressed his appendix into Near's anal region. And as they fell together in a pointy fit of love, the toys lay on the floor, hard and forgotten.

* * *

... Please don't kill me. I just typed in random words!


End file.
